Sunday, August 5, 2012

"Somewhere in between the beginning and the end..."

So today I made the conscious decision to be a shitty friend. And possibly a shitty person. In a move that may seem petty, and possibly something last seen in junior high, I decided to go to a concert instead of attending a long-planned girls night in honor of a friend's upcoming wedding. Faced with a last minute, intimate show of one of my favorite artists over an increasingly awkward friendship, I chose me. And Matt Nathanson. How very Kelly Taylor. So now A and I stand with new friends, together, but separate from the rest.

It's hard, as adults, to have friendships, to be open, to be individuals, to really connect. I've been fortunate in that I feel like I've been able to make, and keep, friendships as an adult. A lot people say it's hard to make friends as time goes on. But there's a difference between spending time with people and being friends with people. And I want/need real friends. People who might be different but still "get" you, people who can tell you to get over yourself, to fuck off and deal with your shit, people who you can help work through their things, an open exchange. Anything else is exhausting on all sides.  But there are people who you really let in and people you just have in little boxes. And maybe that's okay.

In keeping with the music theme, and the comfort/joy I find in Matt Nathanson's songs, this one seems appropriate. I'd love for him to play it.

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