"I think that means you are one married man and two standard deviations from overthinking foreplay."

Please don't read this insanely funny collection of totally awesome, completely practical, not at all creepy sex tips from women's and men's magazines while you're at work.  There's no way to explain the laughter and even if your boss is cool, you probably don't want to read them out loud.  Or maybe you do, I won't judge.


Highlights:
Second opinion: make the mistake of being too gentle. At least until you ask.
First, do women like their breasts to be "volleyed" like tennis balls? Also: stop hitting me.
Here's a second take on that one: don't try facial intercourse.
Just don't tell Mother. She's still cross about the time she caught you rimming the good china.


http://jezebel.com/5919206/cosmos-44-most-ridiculous-sex-tips

http://jezebel.com/5922893/36-terrible-sex-tips-for-men

Poison frog!

One thing you should know is that we watch a lot of Investigation Discovery and Snapped. So sometimes there are conversations that start, "so if he'd just dropped the barbell on her throat instead of holding it there, he would have gotten away with it." And then there's a whole conversation because we've both seen the episode and know instantly what we're talking about.

We were out for breakfast and a friend (C) stops by. He drinks half my coffee, eats off our plates and shows some pictures from a trip to Atlanta.  Including some poison frogs at the Atlanta Aquarium.  About 10 seconds later, A exclaims, "Poison frog!" C looks at me like, "what the hell is she saying?" and I respond, "oh, she thinks she could kill someone with a poison frog and get away with it." He wonders who she might want to kill and I muse, "oh, whoever. Haven't decided." Later, the more I thought about "poison frog!" the funnier it was.

So poison frog became an expression. Boys are stupid? Poison frog. Someone annoying you?  Poison frog.  And we'd found our new mascot.  Vladimir Trad, the poison dart frog.  Why do we need a mascot, because. He gets to go on dates, trips, concerts, etc. with us to supervise.

We also have stickers and plastic frogs just in case someone deserves a poison frog, because we are secretly 14 years old.

Vlad, enjoying his first trip to  Texas.  He and his terrarium went through security just fine.

It should be noted that Vlad is only a beanbag sand frog, no poison there.  But maybe someday...

"I'm a non-believer but I believe in these dirty little wicked games"

Continuing on with the music.  None of us can relate to this song in any way.  Nope, not at all.  Stop looking at me like that, it wasn't me.

Now OkCupid is just screwing with me

"We seem ridiculously compatible..."


Said the married man, whose main concern was that I was not a strict vegetarian.  I can think of a few other issues.


Or the guy who wrote and said, "Hi, it's me, Tony."  Well sure, of course it is.  

This internet thing is not all it's cracked up to me.  Maybe it's me.  And all my friends, apparently.  Slim pickings, people.

"No one to write your name on a rain soaked beach"

For today's musical interlude, let's focus on Scars on 45.  You're gonna hear about them a lot (from me and other people), they're really good (and super nice).  Go see them now, we're going on Wednesday. This song has been in my head constantly, for weeks.  Good thing I like it.

And a bonus, because it's Friday.

"What I wear like church clothes, you wear just like jewelry."

Let's take a musical tour through the inside of my head, shall we?  Part 1: Matt Nathanson.  Wish I'd been at that show last year.

Coperni-kissing

This has been mentioned before but seriously, what is it with boys trying to Copernicus you over a good night kiss?  It just leads to laughter and there's no way to explain it.  "Well, you see, it's like a hug (or kiss) but almost a strangle.  And there's a monkey that may kill you in your sleep."

I learned in Drill Team years ago that when you're in a kickline, you keep your thumb in, next to your fingers, otherwise you hit a pressure point on the girl next to you and they drop.  That could easily happen when you're Coperni-kissing.  There shouldn't be a thumb on your collarbone and a hand around your neck. Keep those thumbs in guys, it doesn't give us confidence in the rest of your abilities.